


Portrait of One Lascivious

by Noir_Dix



Series: The Cardinal's Sins [3]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Cape, F/M, Gen, Nekkid men everywhere!, Repeat Offender, Sisters of sin - Freeform, Sodom & Gomorrah, Technically THE SAME nekkid man but eh, art class, flagrant erection, idle threats, licorice lipstick, literal pud-pulling, nekkid pizza party, nosferatu peer pressure, sketchy business, steek - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-06-03 12:00:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19463548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noir_Dix/pseuds/Noir_Dix
Summary: I am part of the Sisters of Sin, on Facebook.I keep a low profile.I am also part of Ghostly Desires, (18+).I make a real nuisance of myself in that group.Anyway, Sister Katy invoked my dubious talent, & I had to concoct a thing.This is that thing.





	1. Chapter 1

The Cardinal strode confidently through the labyrinthine halls of the cathedral. He had had a rather productive meeting with Zero, & his mother had pulled him aside to inform him of any late developments.

He hummed happily, ("Magic Man," by Heart). All in all, things were going well. He was on his way back to "his" suite.

Dix had decided to dedicate her unexpected free time to some "self-care," planning on a hot bath, & maybe painting her toenails.

He wondered how far she was into it; never one to resist the lure of a hot bath, himself.

The on-suite bath was massive. She'd recently found some bubble bath that smelled like pistachios...

_Pistachios._

These were the things he was pondering, as he passed one of the small meeting rooms, its door ajar.

There was-

There was a small, pale, _naked_ man standing inside. There were a handful of Sisters of Sin, watching this... _thing,_ as if he was the best show going.

_We'll see about that_. He stalked into the room, positively fuming.

The sisters were sketching. Their model was Mary Goore, standing like Michelangelo's _David._

"Oh! Cardinal-" the apparent head sister of this little group began.

_"What is this?"_ he asked, looking at Mary like he was diseased.

Mary glared back defiantly.

"Some of the sisters can draw..." he began, in his odd accent that came & went.

(It was Swedish. His family had been Swedish, & he had grown up speaking it.)

"They were having a meeting, when I passed by. Sister Katy asked if I would pose."

The Cardinal made a face.

_"Nude?"_

Mary shrugged.

"Sister, this is inexcusable."

The sister, now known as Katy, was peeved.

_"Well,_ your _Eminence-"_

"You all are wanting to sketch a _man,_ yes? This- This is no man."

And then, he started pulling at his black suit's buttons.

"I-" the sister was flustered, "Well, this is unexpected."

"Fuck you, buddy." Mary stomped off of little platform.

Another slender, pale sister with a pixie-cut covertly got out her phone.

"Come on, come on-" she muttered.

"Aah! Fuck... I really ought to change- Hey, Keebie. What's up?" Dix answered.

"Still got _Faith_ as your ringtone?" she laughed.

"Sì, seestor." Dix approximated one of Cardi's sillier accents, "I still have Faith. I feel it is very strong here, tonight."

"Yeah, about that..."

There was a pause.

"What has he done, _now?"_

"He's taking his clothes off-"

"Can you hang on for just a second, Keebie?"

The phone muffled, but, she still distinctly heard,

"Why, Satan? WHY?!"

"Ooh, is that Dix?" Mary suddenly turned up beside her, in a pair of dark blue boxer-briefs. "Tell her I said hi."

" _Okey-dokey_." Dix said, her voice strained. "Why, pray tell, is he taking his clothes off?"

"Some of the sisters were holding a little drawing class, & they got Mary to model-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake. This just keeps getting better."

"I just happened upon it... then, all of a sudden, your filthy kink rat comes in-"

Dix sighed the sigh of the long-suffering.

"Mary says hi, by the way."

"Of course he does. All I had on my agenda was a nice soak in the tub, maybe painting my toenails-"

"I'll paint her toenails. Is she back in the suite?" Mary asked, listening _way_ too intently.

"Will you quit eavesdropping?" Keebie scolded him. "Oh... my."

"Don't tell me."

"Okay."

"Is he- ?"

"Pretty much."

"Great. He's being bad, & he knows he's being bad. Voilà."

Things went uncomfortably silent.

"Let me find some sneakers, & I'll trot on over."

"We're in one of the small meeting rooms."

"How would you like me to stand?" she heard, in the background.

"Maybe one of your power stances?" another feminine voice answered.

"Sì, sì... I like this idea, very much. Would you like me to _hold my wand_ , seester?"

"I'm going to kill him." Dix muttered.

"Good luck with that." Mary chimed in.

"Umm, Dix? Rumors abound in the Clergy, but... is what I'm seeing the norm?"

"I hope you don't think that I'm with him for his charm."

Mary snorted.

"I am so going to kill him."

"Don't do that. Seems like a shame."

"Hm. Hardly anything new, though. Tell me, Keebie... since my other petite marvel is there, pestering you-"

Mary looked offended.

"Do you notice any... similarities?"

Keebie blinked.

"Honestly? I'm having trouble noticing anything, beyond- Oh. You're right."

_"Right?_ One has the brand on his chest; the other, the rope-burn on his neck."

Keebie peered at Mary's neck.

"My word."

"You have to know what you're looking for."

"They _do_ look the same. They also both look a lot like my Bone-Daddy."

"I'll take your word for it. What I saw of Terzo is pretty damn close, too."

"But, what does it mean?"

"Doo-doo-doo-doo-" Dix replied, to the tune of the _Twilight Zone,_ as she walked in.

"Ah, shit." the Cardinal said, as he did in all great recent crises.

_"Indeed."_ she stalked up to him. "What in the hell do you think you're doing? Posing for some kind of obscene hat-rack?"

His hands went down to shield his erection, & the sisters groaned audibly.

She pushed his plush KISS bathrobe on him.

"I, ahh- I was going to make them forget."

_"All_ of them?"

"Sì."

"Yeah, that's been going well, lately. I can't even be in the same room with Dew, anymore... Were you going to confiscate all their sketches, with your raging hard-on?"

"I, uhh-"

"I think you made a boo-boo, & didn't think that one through."

"Perhaps."

"Get your shiny white ass back to the suite."

The corner of his mouth twitched.

"Yes ma'am."

He picked up the pieces to his suit, & left with a spring in his step.

"Sweet lord down below." she muttered, before turning to Keebie. "Thank you. I have no idea what I'm going to do with him... but, thank you."

She hitched a shoulder.

"If you need any assistance from my Ghoul crew, don't hesitate to ask."

Dix chuckled a bit.

"He's just a nasty old tom-cat."

"What happened with Dew?"

Dix cleared her throat.

"I'd like to know that, myself." Mary said.

"It's a long story."

"You're as bad as he is."

"Who are we going to sketch, now?" Sister Katy lamented.

"Mary's still here."

He gave her a look.

"Aww... don't be mad." she tickled him. "You're pretty, too."

He was trying his level best not to giggle.

She kissed his nose & left, before seeing if he took his shorts back off.

She arrived back at the suite, to find the Cardinal stretched out in the tub... water just up past his waist, & smelling strongly of pistachios. He was at an odd angle, with his feet propped up on the side. He was smoking one of his little cigars.

"There she is." he smiled, before blowing a smoke ring.

All of his black make-up was gone.

He'd been busy.

"What on earth was _that_ all about?" she asked, nudging off her sneakers.

He frowned, looking at his cigar as though it suddenly fascinated him.

"I do not... know. I just saw Mary standing there, &-"

"You were jealous!"

"No."

She eyed him. But, _why_ was he jealous?

Ah.

"You wanted to steal the show, you creep."

"Get in the tub." he ignored her.

"Give me one good reason why I should." she tested the water. "Jesus, that's hot!"

"No, not Jesus. Cardi. Or, Basil... My Sweet Babboo. But, not Jesus."

_"You_ sure invoke the Lord an awful lot, when I go down on you."

"Extenuating circumstances."

He stretched a bit, ending up wiggling his toes.

"Still waiting for that reason." she said, but, it got muffled as she pulled off her t-shirt.

"I have a very good one."

"Yes. And the sisters' fanart contingent all just got to see it."

He grinned, in spite of her glare.

"They just got to _look_ at it though, you see?"

She had fully expected this flawed logic.

"Hm. Jesus, Cardi. You could cook a lobster in this."

"It feels good to the old bones." he said, moving to have her sit between his legs; pulling her back against him.

They _were_ some very old bones. She noticed that his skin was flushed red, all over.

She also noticed something else, pressed insistently against her backside.

He snuffed out the cigar, which had burned down to a little nub, in a heavy crystal ashtray. He grasped her upper arms, blowing his last drag, before kissing the curve of her neck. She felt his fangs graze her, & dragged her nails up his thighs, under the water.

"All for you, my little witch." he breathed in her ear, "Always, only for you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Cardi... My Cardi.  
> Why do you do these things?
> 
> More with Mary.  
> What's the story with Dew?
> 
> Irate Cardinal.  
> There will be a third chapter.

Mary fiddled with the guitar, working himself up to make _the call_. The ghoul that played lead eyed him, as he dialed.

"Mary?" she answered.

He could just _hear_ the enthusiasm, hopping off her.

"Hey, mama-"

She sighed.

"Please, _don't_ call me that."

Rat-bastard called her that... among other things.

"You'd prefer mistress?" he smirked.

"Mistress?" Dew perked up. "Is that the cute vamp?"

Mary looked at him.

"The blondie?"

Dew nodded.

"Huh."

"What do you want, young blood?"

"Oh. Umm-" he bit his lip, "Well, you _know_ what I want."

"Mary-"

"OK, okay..."

He really _wasn't_ looking forward to this, despite what everyone thought.

"He's doing it, _again."_

There was a small pause.

"Ask me if I'm surprised."

He laughed nervously. (He sure was.)

"I know you're not."

She sighed again.

"Same room?"

"Yep... Whole lot more sisters, though."

"Of course!" her normally deep voice went dangerously high.

They both winced.

"Am I hearing guitars?" she asked.

"I'm a couple of doors down."

"Ah. I'll drop by, on my way."

"Dix-"

"What?"

"Wear something sexy."

He might have... _peeked_ into some of the bags he'd picked up for-

"Mary-" she breathed.

"Hmm?"

"You want to know what I'm wearing, my little fledgeling?"

"Mmm-hmm." he subtly tried to shift his guitar. Dew rolled his eyes.

"I'm wearing sweatpants, & a Megadeth t-shirt."

She waited.

He sighed.

"That works."

Mary looked to the ghoul.

"What do you know about Dix?"

Dew smiled enigmatically.

"I know she's a vampyr. She does vampire-type things."

Mary blinked.

"She _bit_ you. Okay-" he thought, _"How_ do you know about Dix?"

"Y'all shouldn't talk out of school." she said, as she walked in.

"That was fast."

"I started out, just as soon as you told me."

She stared at the ghoul, apparently thrown that he had his mask off.

"Care to explain?" Mary asked.

She hitched a shoulder, recovering.

"I told you... it's a long story."

"And I told you; you're starting to sound _just like him_."

"Speaking of which, I have an idea-"

"Story, first."

"Come with me, then... Both of you."

"Oh, to change _that_ context."

He & Dew put the guitars in stands.

"You remember the poisoning?" she asked, as they stepped into the hall.

"How could I forget?" he glared at her.

She rolled her eyes.

"I'm _sorry_ I called you a stupid whore."

Dew snickered.

"Anyway, you left him, with _no_ explanation. He was sick as a dog. I bled him out, & he ended up having to bite me..."

"I feel like you're leaving some things out."

"He scared the hell out of me, Mary." she stopped to look at him, meaningfully.

He shifted awkwardly, knowing that it took an awful lot for the rat-man to scare her.

"I needed blood." she continued. "He got the brilliant idea to call Aether, & this one tagged along."

"I have a name, you know." Dew groused.

"You do not. You're GHOUL!" she approximated Cardi's stage voice.

"Or, Dewdrop." Mary said.

"Keebie says he's a gremlin."

He wasn't amused.

She leaned toward the ghoul, batting her eyes at him.

"Is it true that y'all have pointed tails & barbed penises?"

He blinked. She frowned.

"Penises? Penes? Penii?"

 _"So,_ what's this idea?" Mary asked. They were outside of the meeting room.

"You'll see. I wasn't finished."

He waited.

"The Jedi mind trick won't work on him." she gestured.

"You don't say?" Mary tilted his head. "Well. That's interesting."

"It's damned inconvenient, is what it is." she pushed the door open.

They continued to mutter about her biting skills, of all the things to compare notes on...

"Oh, for fuck's sake."

There stood her Cardinal. Nude, but for his godforsaken cape. He was very much aroused.

He also held his cane, & was posing quite dramatically.

As if anyone cared.

There were at least 40 sisters crammed into the small space.

"We _talked_ about this." she stalked up to him.

He held his pose admirably, but, his cock twitched. Several of the sisters ooh'ed & ahh'ed. She wasn't sure just who she wanted to kill first.

"I know that we talked about it." he tried sad panda eyes, which were lost on her. "These sisters... these poor, poor seesters, they need a little ray of sunshine in their lives-"

"YOUR DICK IS NOT A RAY OF SUNSHINE!"

He jumped at that.

"Oh-ho! Shit." Mary shook his head.

"Has he gone stupid?" Dew asked, quietly.

"Jesus, Cardi. It's pointing straight up at the ceiling."

He grinned.

"Sììì, cara mia. Perhaps I should _paint_ something in the style of the Sistine Chapel."

Dix started making the rounds. She looked at the sisters' sketches.

"Do tell me about your deep-seated desire to encourage their artistic endeavors."

He hesitated.

"Skit. And he calls the Ghoulettes _lionesses."_ Dew said.

"Eh." Mary shrugged. "He's pushed her too far. Dix puts up with an outlandish amount of shit from him."

" _Why?_ " the ghoul asked.

Mary opened his mouth & closed it.

She waved several of the sketches. They consisted of stick-men & cartoon dicks.

"I think I like her." Dew mused.

Mary gave him a look.

"Join the club, pal. We're small, but we're exclusive."

"You know-" she began, her unholy cleric's ridiculous erection starting to waver, just a bit.

"Oh, here we go." Mary rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"How do _you_ fit into this grand scheme, if you don't mind my asking?"

"I-" he really didn't want to go into it. "It's a long story."

Dew just shook his head.

" _I_ feel sorry for the poor ghouls, toiling endlessly for the good of you & the clergy-"

He gave her a warning look.

"No."

"Oh, yes." she seethed. "Perhaps _I_ should pose, for _them_?"

He glared, noting that she had dragged along the two she held some sway over.

"NO."

Mary, ever the opportunist, naturally took advantage of the situation. He stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist & resting his chin on her shoulder.

"Don't forget about me." he kissed her cheek, & somehow managed to make it inappropriate. "You _know_ I can draw, mama."

She faltered a bit. She _did_ know.

He pressed covertly against her backside. She _so_ did not need this...

She watched the subtle change take place in her Cardinal, from general ire to pure murderous intent.

Then, she thought of the long-running joke.

"I want you to draw me like one of your French girls."

He snorted.

" _Enough._ " Cardi snarled, although... it was hard to take a naked man in a cape seriously. "You have made your point, Draculina."

"Really? I thought I made it clear the other night... but, apparently not."

He closed the cape around himself, & the sisters groaned again.

"I am supposed to go back to my rooms, yes?"

 _Without dinner!_ she thought, tiredly. It was probably a good thing that she didn't have kids...

"Cardi-" she was exasperated. "I honestly don't care, at this point."

He blinked, not expecting _that_.

She turned & walked out, resigned.

"Holy shit." Mary couldn't believe his good fortune. The fact that this happened every once in a great while was beside the point.

"Dude. Now what?" Dew asked, at a loss.

"We follow."

He trotted out after her. She hadn't gotten far.

"Dix- Oh, Dix..."

"Careful, Mary." she said.

"Where are you going?"

She stopped.

"I don't know."

"Come back with us."

"What, & listen to y'all play with your guitars for the rest of the night?"

(She could, actually... She had _attacked_ Cardi, upon waking to him playing Spöksonat. More than once. It was a thing, with her.)

"I have to go back to him, _sometime_."

"Come out to the cottage."

"Mary-"

"I've got some booze."

"Is that supposed to be an enticement?"

"I'll behave myself. Dew can watch."

"Do what, now?" the heretofore silent ghoul inquired.

"You know- Keep an eye on things."

"Åh, ja... rätt." he snorted.

"I've got... snacks. Well, a snack. You liked him?"

"Oh, God. Are you going to chain him to your headboard, too?"

Mary pondered.

"Would you _like_ me to?"

 _He should have caught up by now..._ she thought, sadly.

"You know- Fine. We'll go to the cottage. The fact that I lose my last shred of common sense, whenever I go out there- FINE."

"Ooh..." Dew said.

"Don't get excited. She doesn't go too far afield."

She whirled suddenly, & they almost ran into her.

"I made you a VAMPIRE!" she exclaimed. "After all this time, I finally gave in, drank your rotten blood, & made you a vampire. Not a goddamn week goes by, that I don't hear about it."

Mary cringed.

"Really?"

Someone cleared their throat.

"Sì. REALLY."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, y'all. So very sorry. This thing has gone beyond weird.
> 
> Half Shoulder-Demon. Half me going, I'll change it up as I go!
> 
> Again, sorry.

He offered a pale hand to her, still managing to hold his cape closed.

"As I said, you have made your point, my little witch. I can think of more entertaining ways to punish me... that you shan't regret, later."

She just looked at his hand.

"I've heard your reasoning, Basil... but-"

"I know."

"Basil? Like the herb?" Dew asked Mary, under his breath.

Mary shook his head.

" _This_ close-" he gestured, walking away.

"I dunno. I think you kind of fucked that up, yourself."

"Shut up."

"No, _you_ shut up."

They got a little way down the hall, then, Dew turned.

"Pillar of salt." Dix muttered.

Cardi snorted.

"He _does_ have the tattoo-"

The ghoul made an obscene little sign.

The shocker. _Really_?

"Maybe he is as your elf-friend says... What is it, a gremlin?" Cardi asked, smiling a bit.

Dix pondered, not for the first time, what an odd visual they made... He, looking like something from an old Hammer film, but with bare legs under his bat-cape. She, in her denim-blue sweats & Vic Rattlehead t-shirt.

"You are in so much trouble." she turned & walked, leaving him behind.

He caught up easily.

"What are you going to do to me?"

Blast him for sounding so eager.

"Why didn't you put your clothes back on? Doesn't the floor hurt your feet?"

"I've had worse."

(He'd been compelled to catch up quickly, as soon as the other two had followed.)

"Maybe I should chain you to the bedpost, pull the drapes, & turn all the lights out." she said, off the top of her head.

He looked wounded.

"It is _that_ bad?"

She looked at him, not giving.

"It's pretty bad."

He looked down, sheepishly.

"I am sorry." he tried.

"You're just sorry I'm mad at you."

He now stopped in front of her, but, she didn't almost run into him.

"Sì. Is that not enough?"

He was aggravated. He was dropping contractions, in favor of his old way of speaking.

She slid her hands under the cape.

"I do not understand-"

She looked down. Still at attention.

"You had no problem, when I posed for the backdrop-"

She snickered.

His eyes narrowed. She was caught.

"Babe. We've been together _how_ long?"

His jaw set. He knew where this was going.

"A very-"

"...long time." she finished with him. "Yes. Centuries."

She fingered the faded scar on his chest. He shuddered slightly.

"While I _do_ like how the backdrop turned out..."

He gave her a look.

"The artist obviously... embellished a bit."

(She wasn't referring to anything naughty... rather, his slight chest, spaghetti arms, & occasional pot-belly.)

"Tell us what you _really_ think." he quipped peevishly.

"Mmm." she leaned in to kiss the soft flesh of his neck. "Not to mention, the backdrop sitting was not a sexy occasion. You weren't parading around _fully erect_."

Her hand had travelled gradually from his chest all the way down to his belly. She grazed him with her nails, & he finally gave in to a small giggle-fit.

(He was infernally ticklish.)

"Filthy. Exhibitionist."

"Sì, sì... But, they do not get to touch me, do they? They do not get to kiss me, or _suck_ me, or _fuck_ me-"

And, besides... what was _she_ doing? Playing with him in the middle of a hallway.

Dewdrop could peek back around the doorframe for a free show. The sisters could, as well...

Hell. His mother's office was nearby.

"No." he shook his head. "Thank you for not tattling to _her._ "

He kissed her, melting her bones in the process.

She licked her lips.

"Is that... _licorice_?"

He grinned.

Licorice lipstick. He was so weird.

They needed to head back to the suite. She reached down.

"Do I have to take you by-"

His eyes fluttered, then rolled.

"Yesss."

There was a stained glass window, for no apparent reason. (It was an interior hall.) Interestingly, it depicted St. John the Baptist's head on a platter. The sill was about waist-high.

He was inordinately interested in it.

"No."

He pouted.

" _Please_?"

"No." she gave a little tug. "No fucking on the dusty windowsill."

And so, they began their rather strange, mercifully short journey to his rooms... She kept him in hand the whole way, occasionally playing with his still completely exposed tip. He muttered about calling maintenance over the windowsill to start with, before going abnormally quiet.

Her mind wandered. Why did he persist in doing this? He had to know _someone_ would rat him out...

Black light dawned slowly.

"You twisted old pervert!"

"Yes."

"You _wanted_ me to march in & yell at you like some harpy?"

She gave a little squeeze, possibly tighter than she should have. He gasped.

"Harpy's rather _strong_ , pet..."

"Ugh. What is wrong with you?"

"Tonight, or just in general?"

She pushed the doors open. He sniffed.

"Why does it smell like pizza?"

She unpinned the cape, giving it a little shake before finding its hanger.

"Probably because I ordered a pizza, when I was in the kitchen, earlier."

He peeked in the box. Still naked. She nudged off her sneakers.

"Pepperoni for you. Black olives for me." she informed him, unnecessarily.

"I love you." he found a plate that would go in the microwave.

She wiggled out of her sweats.

"Oh, slowly, slowly! It's too nice a job to rush!"

"Okay, Columbia." she smirked. "Are you seriously going to eat pizza, naked, with a boner?"

He looked down.

"I've done it before." he waggled his eyebrows. "I can multitask."

She sighed. He _had_ done it before... with her sitting-

"Come sit on my lap."

"Don't _do_ that." she debated removing her cotton bikinis.

"May as well, it's too wet to plow..."

She got the subtext.

"How dare you."

He grinned, thinking himself rather clever.

"Did you also manage to snitch some wine?"

She glared at him.

"Chianti."

"Delightful. I love you, again. Now, get the rest of your clothes off, & come over here before your slice gets cold."

"You're impossible." she complained. He watched appreciatively as she stripped.

"Yet, strangely charming."

She snorted.

"Oddly compelling?"

He arranged her on his lap, pointing straight up against her backside. He started kissing the curve of her shoulder, as she nibbled at her piece. Then, he pulled the loosened cork from the wine, & drank straight from the bottle.

"Savage." she murmured.

"Mmm. Godless. Godless savage." he handed her the wine, now nipping at her neck & sliding his hand-

She jumped, despite knowing what he was up to.

"Not while we're eating!"

"I'm not eating. Not right this minute."

FIN?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?  
> 
> 
> I'm a glutton for punishment, you know...

**Author's Note:**

> ☠️: They lost their chance with me. I told them to go find some other ghoul.
> 
> * My mom came up with Mary being the first victim, & Cardi's subsequent bad reaction. Yeah, I know. 😅


End file.
